Useless Eating

"Do everything sensibly and in moderation. Fortunately, moderation means enjoying everything. "

In the OMFG category of gluttony, I present a Brad Edmonds round-up. Mr. Edmonds is an Anarcho-Capitalist of a particularly Southern bent, and a with penchant for Southern cuisine. He is anabashedly reactionary..."I give the homeless no credibility, and what they have to say is not worth two seconds’ of my time"; "It is not soft-hearted to give money to beggars, it is soft-brained and counter to the purposes of civilization"... But he remains a guilty pleasure, particularly on the subject of food - where my own taste runs toward the trogolydite. if nothing else, we can indulge in a bit of schadenfreude , considering that the internal organs of the American Right are likely to explode well before those of the crank-cuisine Left. But then, mine will probably go off right around the same time... After I'm done with this, I'm off to the Old Country Buffet...

In any case, here are a few of his more delightfully reactionary columns:

Breakfast

Bacon:
"Fry up some thick bacon, just a little underdone, then remove it from the pan and drain. In the same pan, fry broken pecan bits in butter just briefly. Put the bacon back in the pan and add entirely too much honey. Stir to cover, and serve. Cayenne pepper is a nice touch..."

Sauces

Butter:
"How to use fat to its best advantage? Two brilliant applications come to mind. As a thickener for soups, stews, sauces, and gumbo, make a roux: Put equal amounts of whole butter and flour into a sauté pan, on medium to medium-low heat. Have a beer handy (for general drinking), because making a roux takes time. Stir and cook until brown – the deeper the better. You have to cook out all the floury taste. Once it’s a bit brown, taste it (warning! It’s murderously hot – get some on a spoon, and cool it a whole lot before tasting). You’ll be amazed at the palate-swathing luxury of plain ol’ butter and flour together.

A second application: sautéing in clarified butter and olive oil. To clarify butter, melt a stick of it (unsalted, please) in the microwave in a transparent glass measuring cup. When it’s fully melted, you’ll see granules at the bottom, froth on top, and clear golden liquid – clarified butter – in between. That’s what you want; reach in there with a teaspoon to get it. It’s smoky, silky, and takes a lot of heat without burning compared to whole butter. Get a pan hot, and put in equal amounts of clarified butter and extra-virgin olive oil. Then throw in a diced onion. The aroma of the fats alone will make you think you’ve gone to heaven; adding the onion will make you think a great chef followed you there."

Sides

Greens:
"Here’s how to prepare greens properly: Finely dice a slice of bacon and a small onion. Sweat the bacon in a pot, then brown the bacon and onion in the bacon fat. Deglaze with white wine, white vinegar, and some hot sauce. Dissolve a pinch of salt and a good pinch of white sugar in the "pot liquor," then add fresh greens; grind some black pepper over the top. Cover, simmer, and stir frequently until the greens are as tender as you like them..."

Entrees

New York Strip with Bacon and Eggs:
"Find the best-looking New York Strip steaks you can. Broil to medium rare.
Dice a strip of bacon and render in a hot pan; remove the bacon and fry eggs to your preferred degree of doneness in the bacon fat. Place the bacon and eggs on the steaks. If you must, grate some extra-sharp cheddar cheese over the top. For a dipping sauce, reduce beef stock and red wine with a few splashes of balsamic vinegar; add plenty of butter, and a little corn starch to keep the butter from separating (trick: make a cold slurry of the cornstarch with red wine, and remove the sauce from the heat, add slowly while stirring; you’ll get a professional result).

Lobsters
Apparently lobsters scream when placed in boiling water...or at least they emit some kind of weird high pitched sound. This method seems more humane by comparison. The recipe includes grits...

Hamdog
The Hamdog is a hot dog wrapped in cheese then in a half-pound hamburger patty, then deep fried. The "dog" is then placed on half a hoagie bun and covered with chili. A thick slice of bacon and a fried egg are added on top; the dish is accompanied by French fries [and] some habanero hot sauce.

Dessert

What Else?
[A] Twinkie that had been dipped in egg wash, then in pulverized Cap’n Crunch cereal, then deep fried [and] squirted with artificial chocolate syrup.